Remember - It's not about you!

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, 
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, 
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!

This has been my mantra these days!

I am working on a new project and have tried contacting various companies for a possible collaboration.  Of course, this being Greece in 2011, immersed in one of the worst economic periods since the world and civil wars, most things work-related are either stagnant or evaluated with extreme caution.  I have recently had the fortunate experience of speaking to one (not so) probable collaborator who went to the extreme of viewing my intentions so suspiciously he actually treated me in an inappropriate manner. I say it was a fortunate experience because it reminded me of this valuable lesson I am humbly passing on to you today.

VIA Kitsap Sun

Being treated like a derelict was very upsetting and I felt my blood getting hot, hot, hotter as my reflexive desire was to tell that person to take a hike all the way where the sun don't shine! I didn't of course, but was not half as unperturbed as I wish I had been.


Of course, as with all lessons worth learning, I felt the hard blow to my stomach. I felt beaten both when I was being mistreated and later on, when I reflected on my own reactions and the guilt of not rising above it crept all over my body, like an unwanted vine, growing too fast to be properly trimmed. Guilt! Hmmmffff!!! More on this one on a later post!

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!

I once attended a very enriching 8 day group psychotherapy retreat called The Hoffman Quadrinity Process. I highly recommend it to anyone who could do with a different view to life, a new way of seeing him/herself and the world and is serious about welcoming some profound transformations! There was one particularly enlightening exercise which I always recall as it was invaluable in my understanding of why we should NEVER take things personally.

My intention is not to disclose what goes on in this remarkably life changing residential course of self discovery and personal evolution, so all I can say is that I understood how someone I disliked at first sight, only became a target of my disapproval due to my own history. See, the thing is, after closer (and very honest) inspection, I realized the person I "disliked" simply made me feel uncomfortable because she stared with intensely inquisitive blue eyes. Much like my mother stared at me when I was growing up and at times sensed I had done something wrong. Even though my own mother was not blessed with a pair like those swimming pool blue eyes I so disliked, just that similar prying look unconsciously took me back to days when I was small and defenseless and mom was tall and all knowing and her eyes never let me forget that!

Now, are you ready to see how much crazier it gets?

First, this information was tucked so deep within me, it took much work in a subconscious level to understand that one thing led to the other.  Relating the fact that the person I disliked had something in common with my mother was tremendously revealing in itself.

Then, even when I did understand why I disliked that person, which was not because of who she was, what she represented or believed in, but about MY own inner mismatch, it still took me a long many years to realize that maybe my mother's eyes weren't prying at all. Maybe, just maybe, her look was simply intense, or it could be she was so far lost in her own thoughts that she stared at me in what seemed to me an intense way. Or, yet maybe, I was so scared of being caught red handed by that tall and corpulent mother of mine, that my short, little body and brain interpreted her look to be prying.

Literally, whatever another person thinks of you is his own business.

Can you see why from my example?

I'll take it a step further: Think of someone you have a problem with (dislike, can't communicate, feel nervous around, want to punch the living daylights out of).
Now think of a way in which this person might remind you of something or someone in your past. Could be through physical similarities, maybe a smell or tone of voice. Could be something as irrational as the shape of his head or the way she holds her pen! The link could be anywhere!  Just beam your awareness, invite your inner voice to guide you and you will soon find why this person annoys the heck out of you!

When (not if) you are fortunate enough to find the connection, I guarantee your negative thoughts and emotions towards this person will, if nothing else, seem lighter and milder. It will take you one step closer to realizing that you, and only you, have the power to make or break your day!

Are you still going to take it personally?!