The way of the Samurai

Today was a busy day! 
Busy, busy, busy! 


I had so many things to do, places to go, people to talk to. Albeit the fatigue at the end of the day, I felt great about myself. Ahhh, the feeling of getting things done! Moving and shaking! 


Keeping busy and running around makes me feel important because it is a way to prove to myself that I have people to attend to, situations to take care of. 


Allowing myself to lay down on my oversized sofa, a realization I couldn't shake off my shoulders just sat there, making the busy day's satisfaction turn to dust. What whipped me like the blade of a sword was the understanding that that which kept me busy the whole day is not necessarily what is going to get me where I really want to be. 


Remaining busy allows us to feel loved and valuable. Answering emails, telephone calls, helping friends and business partners out, all the admirable activities an honorable person has got to do to get through a productive day.  


Unsuccessfully, I tried to muffle the questions that were getting louder in my head: how focused was I today on what I really want? How focused was I on my latest goal? Did I dedicate myself in a continual, uninterrupted manner towards my goal, my target? 


So you might say that your goal is a long term goal, it won't happen even if you do dedicate yourself to it for three hours straight.  To that I say, break your goal down! Choose a smaller, short term goal that will allow you to remain focused and will lead you unequivocally to the long term one.  Breaking down your goals is a good way to make them sharper, so you can powerfully focus on what's at hand at the moment, always working towards arriving at the bigger picture. 


The Time Matrix below is a great tool to help you keep on track with your priorities. 

 1.                                                                     2.

Important and Urgent ie. Some phone calls Emergencies Crises	Important and Not Urgent ie. Planning Preparation Solidifying relationships
3. Not Important and Urgent ie. Emails Distractions Some meetings Some phone calls 1. What needs to be done straight away. No way of getting around it.  3. Items that need to be minimized or eliminated altogether, they suck up our time.	4. Not Important and Not Urgent ie. Trivia Chat Time wasters Unnecessary tasks 2. Steven Covey, author of the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" argues that this is what we should focus on if we really want to achieve our goals. 4. To do only when you have time to kill!

How do you think this modern day Samurai achieved his goal? 

I am exactly where I am supposed to be!

Sometimes being a woman bores me!

Today I had all these creepy thoughts furiously running around in my mind!
Why are you single for such a long time? Why haven't you settled in a relationship? Why didn't you hold on with all your might to the relationships you have settled in to?

There was so much background noise, so many thoughts of fear and judgement.  Judgement of myself, judgement of the universe and of destiny. Judgement of men!

Then a voice asked me "Do you really trust the universe? Do you really trust the power of faith and of letting go? If you do, if you REALLY do, trust the universe now!
Trust that it's got your highest good and interest at hand at ALL times, not just some of the times."

Then I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, as we all are.

No matter where you are at this moment; no matter what you are going through; pain of separation, pain of loss (financial loss, losing a loved one, losing your status) or longing to be loved - you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.

We are where we are because we are learning. We are constantly learning. We are everyday creating our life and our reality. We might not be aware of it, yet every thought, every move we make is a new, miraculous chance to create the world we want to live in.

The beautiful thing about our life is that we indeed ARE as strong as the Creator, we ARE the Creator!
All we need to do is become aware of our creative power. Become aware of the thoughts we create in our head every single moment of the day.
Become aware of the words we speak and the way we relate to ourselves and others.

The country I am currently living in, Greece, is in total economic and political chaos!
I choose not to listen to the news. I choose not to turn on the television as not to let my thoughts be influenced by others' needs and desperation.  Some call me crazy, others call me aloof. I call myself happy and free!

Why am I single? Because that is what I have created at this moment!
Being single allows me to stay awake all night reading my favorite book. Being single allows me to just be and not have to worry about manicure and pedicure. Being single allows me to feel one man's warmth on one night and listen to another man's stories on the following night.

Sometimes being a woman is so exciting!

Fall off your bike!

Working with my coach is like learning to ride a bike.

As little kids, when we are first learning to ride our bikes, there is so much uncertainty. Everything is scary, the sensation of being on two wheels is so different from anything we have ever experienced! It's no wonder you often see little kids screaming as they are first left to pedal by themselves. Scary and exciting!

Then they fall!

Little kids fall off their bikes all the time! Some of them cry, some might laugh, others might want to sit down and catch their breath for a while. The miracle of watching a little kid riding his bike is that he will always get up again. She will always dust herself off and get on that bike one more time, give it one more try!

When we fall as adults, we tend to have so much difficulty in remembering to simply and gracefully dust ourselves off and get up on that bike again. We are afraid of what others will say! We think about how it will affect our so sought after and cherished reputation.

Falling off my bike is not an option! You know who I am? Do you have any ideas how many degrees I have mounted on my wall?

Yes, yes, I see who you are and how much you have invested in building your persona, yet I ask you: are you courageous enough to fall?

Are you courageous enough to share your true feelings without fear of rejection?
Are you brave enough to speak up in a meeting even if you think your idea/question might be criticized or challenged? Can you fall off that bike?
Are you daring enough to step forward, even if you fear your project won't work out. Not trying something new, like a new job because others might think you aren't as important anymore. After all, you are still LEARNING! You don't have it all together? You might still FALL OFF YOUR BIKE?

Children are our best teachers! Their fearlessness and their capacity to view everything as possible is what we as adults need to model more of!
Remaining open to falling down, failing, getting up and trying again is what leads us to true freedom. Freedom to move along knowing that if you fall, you have the choice to get up again.
And try again!

I challenge my clients to try new ways of being. New behaviors, new habits, new rituals. These new ways lead to liberation, to coming out of that box that others have crafted so tightly (and lovingly) around us.

If you find yourself trying to come out of the box and falling while you're at it - fear not!
Children don't, why should you?

International Coaching Week!

It's International Coaching Week!

Founded in 1999, the International Coaching Week is a time for coaches to inform the general public of the amazing value and results of a coaching process and of working with a professional coach.

I'm excited to share with you the work of Michael Bungay Stanier, who has interviewed countless authors and leaders to find out what motivates them and also what are the difficulties they have overcome to achieve the great work they put forth in the world.

I am particularly delighted in sharing with you his "Practical Coaching Series: Essential Interviews With Coaches You Need to Know About" as my inspiring coach, Rich Litvin, is featured as one of 7 thought leaders worth knowing more about. Rich has coached me for the last 6 months and I have seen and experienced an exponential difference in the way I fearlessly and powerfully face the world, each small step at a time.  It is tremendously gratifying to incorporate the knowledge I gain from Rich in the work with my own clients.

So, happy International Coaching Week to all and may you all have the opportunity to be deeply listened to by a sensitive and stimulating coach regardless of which point you find yourself in life. What you will find, after a great coaching experience, is that you can always choose to move to another, even more fulfilling point. Best of all, it's loads of FUN!

Practical Coaching Series: Essential Interviews with Coaches You Need to Know About 

VIA Box of Crayons Blog

It’s International Coaching Week – hurrah!

Much as I love professional coaches – hey, I am one after all – my real passion is about making coaching just a regular part of the way we work.  In particular, how can you as a busy manager and leader use coaching more often to increase the focus, impact and meaning of the work you and those around you do.

Peter Block, a man I constantly hold up as a deep influence on my work, said it best:

Coaching is not a profession.
It’s a way of being with one another.

Indeed.

I’ve had the good luck of interviewing some fantastic coaching thought-leaders over the last number of years as part of the Great Work Interview series.

Here are 7 thought leaders you might be interested to hear. Listen for the useful insights and tactics they share – your coaching will be richer as a result.

Sir John Whitmore is one of the fathers of the coaching profession and author of the influential Coaching for Performance.

Cinnie Noble, the leading figure in the world of Conflict Management Coaching which just happens to be the name of her new book.

Mary Beth O’Neill, author of one of the best books I know about executive coaching, Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart.

Rich Litvin, who does fantastic work about probing the secret of confidence.’

Eddie Erlandson who with his business and life partner Kate Ludeman wrote Alpha Male Syndrome, a book in coaching those “A types” (men and women) in organizations.

David Rock, who’s at the head of the pack when it comes to connecting the findings of neuroscience with the art of leadership and management and who’s book Your Brain at Work is destined to be a classic.

Dan Coyle, author of the very fine book The Talent Code that talks about what “deep practice” really means.

And if you’re interested in hearing some internal practitioners…

Sally Bonneywell, Head of Coaching for the global pharma company GSK.

Carl Oxholm, leader of the coaching initiative at the professional service firm pwc.

Listen up, pick up some tips, then go flex some coaching muscle.

How NLP can help you deal with anxiety and fear

Faced with a tough choice/decision to make, I just realized how I was unknowingly allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Poor me, times are so tough and I am so young! Poor me, I don't yet know how to achieve my goals. Poor me, how am I going to become who I want to become when the government doesn't cooperate? Bla, bla, bla! Mind fog, that's what it all is!

"It is impossible for an anxious person, a worried one, or a fearful one to perceive truth. All things are distorted and thrown out of their proper relations by such mental states." Wallace D. Wattles

If you, like me, find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, feeling anxious about your future, feeling scared of what tomorrow will bring...

STOP!

Stop and breathe!

(READ BELOW AND THEN CLOSE YOUR EYES!)
Just close your eyes for one full minute (what is one minute out of the 1440 that make up our day?) and BREATHE!

Breathe in deeply and fully! Breathe in and feel the miracle of life that is within you and outside of you alike.

While you are breathing, remember something that happened to you that made you feel real good inside. A happy moment. It could have happened when you were 5 years old or last night, it doesn't matter. Just get in touch with that warm and happy feeling inside, while you are breathing.

Breathe and feel the happiness. See the scene, what happened exactly to make you feel so happy? Where were you? Who was around you? What did you hear? What were they telling you? Were you speaking at all, or laughing out loud? Breathe and see and hear and feel the image of your happiness.

While doing this, anchor the feeling! To anchor the feeling you simply have to choose a spot to touch yourself while you are breathing and feeling the happiness. You can touch your left knuckles with your right hand, or you can touch your right elbow with your left hand or you can touch your thigh, or your forehead, your choice.

Breathe + Feel the happiness + Anchor (touch a spot)

Then, you can go back to thinking about the problem, fear, stressor. While you think about that unpleasant situation, gently touch the spot you had previously touched when feeling happiness (the anchor).

You will never perceive that problem in the same way!

On Creating Changes

"Two basic rules of life are these:
1) Change is inevitable.
2) Everybody resists change.
The only person who likes change is a wet baby."
Roy Blitzer

It is natural to want things to remain the same as changes are almost always challenging.
I recently relocated, changing not only countries but also continents. I know how much energy that change demanded, having to recreate my life, recreate my home, my circle of friends and my work.

Yet, if we remind ourselves that change is the ONLY thing constant in life, if we accept the fact that everything changes, the seasons, our cells, our teeth, our bodies, our looks, our shoe size, we remain open to the changes that are (constantly) coming.

If there is no way of preventing change, then the next best solution is to remain open to it. Changes can be terrifying at first, I agree. Yet, ignoring the fact that some things have to change is just a way of postponing pain - which will almost certainly make the pain more significant.

So, if you are currently facing changes in your life and dreading it, relax! How do you do that? A good way is to remind yourself of the HERE and NOW of your situation. What is happening in your life TODAY? Who are you speaking to? Who or what do you see in this moment? How do you feel? Is there a possibility (even if you don't want to acknowledge it at this moment) that change can bring something positive?

If you decide change is necessary and you are dreading it, don't worry! Accept and love yourself because you are only being human. The first step to creating change in your life is acknowledging the fact that you might be scared out of your wits.

What can your second step be?

Can you feel the fear? Then risk it!

Every day our thoughts are guided by our fears. Let me speak for myself!
Everyday, MY thoughts are guided by my fears. Have you ever wondered, if your "fear" and your "thoughts" were little kids, who would be the leader in the relationship? In my mind's relationship, fear was Bart Simpson, always finding a way to do and get whatever he wanted; and in a very loud way, no less.

Sometimes my fears became so big and twisted that it was hard to make clear if my thoughts and my fears were one and the same.  These were the times when I had to remind myself that my thoughts are my thoughts, I will always have them. On the other hand, fear is fear, I can CHOOSE to have it rule my thoughts or not.

Sometimes I hear my clients say "I don't choose to have fearful thoughts, they just come up." Yes, that's true, thoughts come up just like that. This happens to people like us, who have legs and arms and a heart and a stomach. It's perfectly human to have the most different types of thoughts. Yes, sometimes these thoughts can be fearful. It happens to mothers, it happens to entrepreneurs, and to CEOs alike. This is where self awareness and self observance come in. The more you observe yourself, the more you become aware that you are having fearful thoughts. Only when you observe yourself and realize you are behaving in a certain manner do you have the opportunity to decide to change it - if you so desire.

The same doesn't happen to children though! Has anyone asked a little kid what he wants to become when he grows up? Has anyone ever heard "Oh, I don't know, I want to be a rock star but I'm scared that no one will like my style!" NO! Because children have no fear in relation to their dreams. They have no previous memories of defeats or rejections. They have inspiring and challenging dreams - all fearless.

I just completed my NLP Practitioner training course with the Society of NLP's Brazilian trainer Claudio Lara. Among the countless enriching techniques and infomration we received, we were taught how to model behavior, which is  what Richard Bandler, ond of NLP's creators, says is one secret formula to success. That secret is to model the behavior of someone who already is or does as you want to become and do.

If we take the behavior of children and model it in order to live a fearless life, let's take the situation where the child thinks about what he wants to become when he grows up. He sees in his mind's eye, himself jamming with his band and what clothes he is wearing. He hears what he is singing. He sees the fans shouting under him and can hear them shouting "You rock, you rock!". He allows himself to envision what he wants, freely and precisely, without thinking if it's possible to get there or what others will think about his decision.

In life, we are always faced with having to confront risks. If we think about it, even the most mundane tasks in life are risky. Do I cross the street now that no cars are coming or do I wait for the pedestrian light to turn green? Do I take the elevator even though an earthquake may occur and I can get stuck in it? Should I drive my vehicle to work even though there is a probability that I might get in a car accident?  Risks are all around us.

The important thing is to view risks as opportunities for achieving whatever it is you want. For example, if you were a survivor in a deserted island, and you had to climb tall trees to get coconuts to cease your hunger, you would do it, wouldn't you? The mere thought of that refreshing coconut milk entering your thirsty system would make you willing to take the risk of climbing the tree.

As author Ambrose Redmoon put it:  "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows the brave to act when the timid do not. But to take action when one is not afraid is easy. To refrain when afraid is also easy. To take action regardless of fear is brave."

First step, identify what it is you really want.  Make a mental image of you achieving/attaining whatever it is you want with a passion. Observe yourself, observe your body: how is your heart pounding, are your hands sweating, is your breathing calm or shallow and quick? How are you feeling these bodily sensations? Are they pleasant or do they carry fear with them? If you find fear creeping up your whole being just by thinking about what you wish you had, relax, you are not alone! Many people fear getting what they really want, because that involves a great deal of risks to be taken.

Second step, remind yourself that what you are visualizing is just that - a visualization, not a contract for something happening or not happening. So be wild, see your wish come true and make it lively, put some vibrant colors on your vision, put some shine on it, make the image bigger! Have fun! That will give the brain the command that it has "seen" what you want, it has lived that situation and the sensation was fantastic! With your brain working in your favor and looking for further ways to feel this same fantastic sensation once again, you will be more equipped for taking the next baby step.

If feeling fear is not an option, you can work with an NLP practitioner and he or she will help you reprogram your mind. More on that later!

Achieving your dreams requires you focus on exactly that - the dream - and leave fear to the side. You don't have to act as if fear doesn't exist if it does. Hiding it under your imaginary carpet doesn't do you any good. Acknowledge it and know that you can take risks even when that creepy fear seems to haunt your every baby step!