Because you are better than that!

Have you ever caught yourself blaming that person who you trusted and let you down? 

Pointing all the injustice that he/she has committed, all the ways they've hurt you, all that they could have done and decided not to or the other way around? 

I'm sure you have, it happens to everyone at one point or another. That friend who betrayed your life long friendship, that boss that blamed you for his own incompetencies or that person who broke your trust and let you down when you really needed her. 

When anger and blame creep up, it can consume our mind and our heart and can stay there forever. 

The Dalai Lama says a good way to be freed from this poisonous feeling is to make a distinction between the action and the actor.

You can be angry at the action and still have compassion for the actor. Understand that the person is coming from the only place he/she know.  

Regardless, know that placing blame and pointing fingers only keeps you stuck in a cycle of negativity that leads you nowhere. Life is about being hit and standing up again, stronger, tougher and wiser. 

Take time to watch the short video below and be inspired!

Believe you CAN!

Believe you can, believe you can, believe you can!

I know you might be thinking this sounds like positive psycho-blabber and I will share with you my view on why it is actually more important than you think.

I want you to think about a time when you were being interviewed for a job you really wanted.
What would your behavior be if you thought:
"There is no chance I will get the job, others are so much better and I barely have any experience"
Now think, would you act in a different way, if your thoughts were:
"Yeah, I'm going to nail this interview because I'm amazing!"

We set ourselves up and live our life according to the quality of our thoughts.
When we are little, our thoughts are mostly an extension of the world around us. How our parents react towards us, what our teachers and friends say to and about us become our guide. Without realizing it, neuro pathways or connections are formed and the more we believe our thoughts (consciously or unconsciously), the stronger the connection becomes.

VIA bookbing.org

Our thoughts have the power to change our physical reactions, thus leading us to live our lives in this or that way, take this or that action. Try it right now! Think about yourself picking up a big, juicy, yellow lemon. With your mind's eye, smell it, notice its color, feel its bumpy texture. Now cut it open with a knife, see the liquid running and stick your teeth deep inside the yellow lemon, tasting its acidity. What happens in your mouth? And you didn't even actually taste the darn thing!!

To quote Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you are right"
Whatever it is your heart desires, a new job, the promotion, driving your company to success or healing some aspect of your life, you have to BELIEVE YOU CAN!
Even if at first it seems fake. When you start hearing those fearful voices inside your head, just repeat to yourself: "I can do it! I can do it! I CAN do it!"
You are training your brain and making the neurological pathways - with the information that you can! - stronger.  
As they say, where there's a will, there's a way!
You just have to believe you can find that way and remember to pat yourself on the back when you discover that you really could do it!

Don't wish it was easier, wish you were tougher!

The title is a quote by Jim Rohn, an author and motivational speaker known for being the mentor of Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy and T. Harv Eckar, all very accomplished authors in the self development industry.

The quote struck me as I am going through a stressful period. Those who have accompanied my writing  might have noticed that I haven't written in a good long time. Writer's block is what some call it. Others call it drying up. I certainly felt blocked and dried out of ideas!
I felt panic. Is it going to last forever? Am I never going to be able to write again? Will I ever finish the book I am writing? Then I would enter a high voltage zone of self torture and think of all the things I SHOULD be doing to circumvent this horrific dry-block!

Nothing worked. Days went by and the dryness culminated to a drought. This drought in writing reflected the way I felt inside.

VIA Freaque Waves

Today I had an a-ha moment (this a-ha moment is such a cliche, yet it does explain it pretty simply) and realized that I was stuck in a dry block out of shear fear. I am going through a challenging period in my life, having to make life changing decisions while living in a debt and crisis ridden country, where nothing other than how poor everyone is becoming is talked about, anywhere!

It is a stressful period, I resignedly admit. I tried my best to hide (from myself and others) the fact that I was feeling stressed, overwhelmed and most of all scared.

Today after reading Rohn's quote, I understood that I was secretly wishing it would be easier. I was secretly waiting for the universe to send me a buoy that would guarantee everything would turn out the way I wish it would. And I was feeling scared.

No wonder I had a block, I was frozen with fear.
Fear usually does this - either makes you move forth in a rage or freeze up like a fruit popsicle.

Frozen and scared thoughts - frozen and scared feelings - frozen and scared action (or rather, inaction)!

Today I was liberated when I realized it's only my focus that's at fault. Focusing on external circumstances, wishing and praying they would be more favorable. Focusing on measuring how big my problems are and how deep the dryness. Wishing it was all much easier.

Today I decided I will focus on me!
Am I focusing on thinking positive, happy and self loving thoughts? Even after the scary ones come along?
Am I focusing on taking planned action, keep on walking, regardless of fear? After all, isn't this world made of daily opportunities?
Am I focusing on my heart's goal, despite the hardships that make it look so far away at the present moment?

Today, I remembered that I have reached my fullest potential when I had positive thoughts that led me to have positive feelings that led me to take positive action!

If I can dispense one message while emerging from a cold (and dry) and obstructed place, it would be:  Constantly focus on you - your thoughts, feelings and actions!
From wishful thinking to toughness in the most powerful way!

Keep the faith!

I came across a very interesting picture the other day and wanted to share it with my esteemed readers. (credits to facebook!)

It is not my intention to turn this into a scientific or philosophical conversation, yet I do wish to express some of my own thoughts on faith. 

I often talk to people who tell me they have no faith in God (or whatever you want to call it) because He has never been proven. No one really knows  the truth about it and some have even "proved" that there could be no such thing. 

In my opinion, having faith (in something bigger and outside of ourselves) is not about proving if there is or not something out there. 

Having faith is about constantly and blindingly feeding myself with the thought that the creative force that made the infinite space around us, the burning sun, the scented flowers and my toenails, is always available to me. 

It is about indiscriminately believing that this creative energy is within me and you as it is without. 

My faith does not lead me to believe in this or that God, it leads me to believe that everyday of my life I can choose to be this or that person. 

My faith allows me to align my brain in accordance to all the beauty that surrounds me. 

Yes, there are ugly sights to be seen and hardships to be faced, yet my faith helps me believe that even without seeing them at this moment, brighter days will surely arrive. 

My faith allows me to keep positive and positivity is the only road to keeping open for whatever I want to come my way. 

Having faith in God, in the Universe, in the Stars, in my eternal Spirit, allows me to remember that I am at the same time insignificant and colossal. Just like our vast earth is one more spec in the sky, I too can be anything and still everything can come my way! 

Therefore, keep it real and keep the faith, brother!

Own your life, you are not a victim!

Do you often find yourself caught in drama, amidst stories, gossip, judgments, conflicting situations? Are you known to your friends as the “Queen or King of Drama”. I was the queen of drama for a long time! LONG, LONG time! Every job I had, I was caught in some sort of trivial dispute.  Something had to be the matter, everywhere I went.  Some friends called me “El Niño”, I now see why!

Once, I wanted to act as a volunteer in a big NGO and even as a volunteer there was drama. The vice president decided she didn’t want me to volunteer anymore. Not content with that, she called all top team players (including the NGO’s president!) and I was caught in the middle of a finger pointing session, which boiled down to – what she described as – me being too thirsty to reaching for the water pot! Oh how I was caught in the “poor me” frame of mind then! “Poor me, all I wanted to do was volunteer my time and energy to help others and look what happens! This always happens to me”! 

Showing up in the world from a victim’s position is extremely common and at the same time so hard to detect. Therefore, we can remain victims for years and some remain victims their whole lives.

A victim always believes things “happen to him”. A victim blames others for everything that happens. It’s the “It’s not my fault that…” way of thinking.

Here’s the thing, thinking about fault is absolutely useless. Nothing is anybody’s fault, things happen to us because we have to learn. We are here in this world to constantly grow, evolve and change and this is the only certain thing in life. Rather we choose to think about it or not, accept it or not, we are always growing and changing (are you the same as you were 15 years ago?). Those who understand and make the best of this are never caught in a victim position, they are owners of their lives and their circumstances.

A victim will always try to find someone or something to blame for what happens to him. In contrast, an owner will look at the situation and try to find:

1) What was his responsibility in the situation – not to blame himself but to understand what he is doing to be caught in it.

2) What lesson can he learn form what happened? What is the most important thing he can get from this story?

3) What can he DO NEXT – what can he change in himself, in his environment, in his choices -  which will free him from being caught in similar situations.

In my above example with the "NGO witch who was after me" (!!), it took me years to look back on it and be able to understand how I was responsible. I learned that the way I plunge into projects with all my energy and soul, might seem threatening to others. Therefore, I now try to keep my cool, especially with those who haven't worked with me before. This makes relationships less threatening and in turn, much more efficient.

When we start seeing ourselves as agents/owners of our own circumstances we understand that we have choices and that everything that happens to us is an opportunity for growth and learning. One who is always aware of how he can use circumstances in his favor will never be caught in a victim frame of mind, simply because he is too busy powerfully restructuring himself and his circumstances in order to get different results next time.

Instead of blaming others, the economy, the universe, your karma - choose to live your life powerfully! Extract the lessons from everything that comes your way and adapt according to that knowledge! 

Use your body to create powerful connections

How do you know the people you are connecting to are the best fit for you? Who are you surrounding yourself with?
There is a saying that goes: "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are".
That is equally true for your personal friendships as for your professional partnerships.

One thing that most entrepreneurs have difficulty with is building a powerful team that share in their values and their company's mission and vision.
One of the reasons for this is because as the creators, entrepreneurs often get caught up in wanting to maintain control of all aspects of the company.  This leads them to forget that, like all other human beings, they are good at some things and not so good at others.  No one can be great at everything. (Unless of course you have a Greek mom, who is truly convinced you are God's gift to the world and will happily share how perfect you are with anyone she exchanges a few words with!!)

Another difficulty in creating strong partnerships is that all too often people tend to forget to pay attention to how they really feel about the people around them.
Like personal friendships, our professional team has to be made up of people we can openly talk to, feel comfortable discussing ideas with and who share similar values as us.
It's all too great partnering up with that Ivy League graduate who speaks eloquently, yet do you feel there is a free flow of ideas? Do you feel that your objectives are similar and you can discuss your projects comfortably? Are his values compatible to yours?

We have a natural and extremely potent tool for detecting if the person in front of us is a good fit.  This tool is called: OUR BODY! One way to find out if the people surrounding you are a good match, is to check with your body.

What sensations do you feel when you are in a meeting with your team or your partners? A great exercise is to notice how you feel when you are speaking to each person. Really pay attention to your bodily reactions.
There are certain people we speak to and end the conversation always feeling tired or sleepy (that feeling of being drained). With others, we might feel our heart racing faster, some excitement in our chest. Still, with someone else, we might experience that "gut feeling" that tells us to say this or that.
Listen to it! Respect it!

Our bodies have energy centers (the so called chakras), wheel-like vortices that receive and transmit energy and information from and to the universe around them.  In a more subtle level, our bodies are always tuned and closely connected to the world around us. We have to teach ourselves and practice, practice, practice paying attention to our bodily sensations because our body's energy field can pick up valuable information we are not able to pick up with words.

Next time you are speaking to a potential partner, to someone who wants to enter your team or who already is a part of your team, take time to consciously pay attention to your bodily sensations. Are the feelings in your body positive or negative? What would they tell you if they could speak? What shape would they take if you could see them? Can you attribute a color to this specific sensation?

Pay attention to your body! It knows and is constantly communicating to you who is the right person to connect to in any given situation. 

On sticking to your decisions

Have you ever made a decision not to do something and find yourself doing it anyway? The compelling force of that which gives us pleasure (even if followed by pain) is such that one can never be prepared enough to withstand his weak spots.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Bible, Matthew 26:41

I recently went back on a decision I had made and found myself getting angry at myself, being judgmental and having generalized thoughts such as "I can never stick to my decisions! I will never be able to say no to this!"


Maybe you decided not to eat chocolate in the next month or not to go into facebook when you need to get work done. Maybe it's a decision not to drink more than a preset number of wine glasses per night or not to kiss that person who has absolutely nothing to offer you emotionally.

No matter what decision we make, it takes more than wishful thinking or a positive attitude to stick to it!
It is well known that people are motivated either to get away from pain or to move towards pleasure. Going back on a decision can represent either of the two above. Either you are seeking to avoid pain: "I'm going to DIE if I don't eat that chocolate mousse" or to find pleasure: "That man's kisses give me goose bumps". Sometimes, it can represent both: "I get nervous in social situations. If I drink a whole pool of wine, the night will go by like a breeze".

Here's the first and most important step to dealing with not sticking to your decisions:
FORGIVE YOURSELF!

This sounds like something easy and straightforward and I guarantee that most of you have had a difficult time forgiving yourself after going back on a decision.
Forgiving ourselves is important because it is the purest form of compassion towards ourselves. Compassion for nothing less than being human! Hey, our brains are wired to seek pleasure!

I had this conversation with a client today who told me he felt that if he forgave himself, he would be complying with falling into temptation.
Yes and no!
Yes, if we make a habit out of finding excuses for why we fall into temptation, then forgiving ourselves might be just a way of excusing our behavior.
No, because if there is no true forgiveness, there is no true healing.

The second step to dealing with temptation is to identify what is going on in your body. How does your body feel when faced with the temptation? Do you feel butterflies in your stomach, does your chest weigh a little heavier, does your heart beat faster in anticipation? How does your body react? What would that reaction tell you if it could talk to you?

The third step to dealing with temptations is to always remember it takes nothing less than a warrior to stand tall in the face of seduction. To be a warrior requires you to think in terms of what you will accomplish versus concentrating on what you are trying to "resist".  How will sticking to your decision make your life more fulfilling? How will it help you grow? How will it help you be free and liberated? Can you feel how powerful you are when you stick to your decisions?

Forgive yourself and keep on moving. Keep on moving with the power of the warrior who is certain he will accomplish great things if he only has the courage to pay attention to himself and believe with all his might that tomorrow will be a better day.