I was having a conversation with a potential partner yesterday (isn't creating a potential business partners so much fun?) and I had some objections to his ideas.
I must admit (and this is painful!) I wasn't aware that I was objecting to what he had to say, until he pointed it out to me, in a very subtle manner, bless his soul! Not that objections are bad, on the contrary! What's important is to be aware if the way we are objecting is taking the relationship forward or if it's building a gap between the communicators. (More on objections in a later post)
There are several ways of reacting to a situation where someone points out a behavior you have that is bothering them or is not leading the relationship forward in the most powerful manner (simply put-receiving feedback).
There is the way in which you say "Darn, look at what I've done again, I'm such a dunce! This potential partner will think I'm clueless and won't want to work with me". Thus, shrinking your wings.
Another way is to think: "What an ass, can't this guy see that what I am saying is right and what he's saying is wrong?" Thus, supposing your wings are bigger than the other's.
Both of the above come from judgement. Judging yourself or judging another is only human. We all do it, some of us do it more than others.
In his book, "Communion With God", Neale Donald Walsch talks about the 10 Illusions of Humans. He talks about judgement and poses some very illuminating questions:
"...why should a simple observation about you make you so uncomfortable? Is simply observing that someone is so really a judgement? Couldn't it be merely an observation?"
Judgement will never help you get where you want to be. In its best, it might keep you busy, with something to think about or nag about.
The most constructive way of reacting to what another has to say about you is to say to yourself:
"What can I learn from this?"
Receive the information, be genuinely grateful for it, because it might, potentially, be saving you lots of trouble, and stay with the information without judgement. Evaluate if the information is interesting or not.
If it is, act accordingly, modify, rectify, change!
Now, I'm not saying that you need to process this straight away. I was once coaching a very experienced entrepreneur who had difficulty taking in my feedback, he felt he had to counter attack everything I was saying. After a few weeks, I found out from a colleague of his, that he changed his way of approaching his next client, having taken what I said on board.
Remember, whatever others have to say about your behavior is merely information.
Judging yourself or the other has no place in this!
What's important is to take what is being said on board (as uncomfortable as that might sound, it only takes practice) and evaluate if this information will help you be who you want to be and get where you want to get, or if it won't.
If it will, act accordingly, adapt, modify, rectify, change!
I must admit (and this is painful!) I wasn't aware that I was objecting to what he had to say, until he pointed it out to me, in a very subtle manner, bless his soul! Not that objections are bad, on the contrary! What's important is to be aware if the way we are objecting is taking the relationship forward or if it's building a gap between the communicators. (More on objections in a later post)
There are several ways of reacting to a situation where someone points out a behavior you have that is bothering them or is not leading the relationship forward in the most powerful manner (simply put-receiving feedback).
There is the way in which you say "Darn, look at what I've done again, I'm such a dunce! This potential partner will think I'm clueless and won't want to work with me". Thus, shrinking your wings.
Another way is to think: "What an ass, can't this guy see that what I am saying is right and what he's saying is wrong?" Thus, supposing your wings are bigger than the other's.
Both of the above come from judgement. Judging yourself or judging another is only human. We all do it, some of us do it more than others.
In his book, "Communion With God", Neale Donald Walsch talks about the 10 Illusions of Humans. He talks about judgement and poses some very illuminating questions:
"...why should a simple observation about you make you so uncomfortable? Is simply observing that someone is so really a judgement? Couldn't it be merely an observation?"
Judgement will never help you get where you want to be. In its best, it might keep you busy, with something to think about or nag about.
The most constructive way of reacting to what another has to say about you is to say to yourself:
"What can I learn from this?"
Receive the information, be genuinely grateful for it, because it might, potentially, be saving you lots of trouble, and stay with the information without judgement. Evaluate if the information is interesting or not.
If it is, act accordingly, modify, rectify, change!
Now, I'm not saying that you need to process this straight away. I was once coaching a very experienced entrepreneur who had difficulty taking in my feedback, he felt he had to counter attack everything I was saying. After a few weeks, I found out from a colleague of his, that he changed his way of approaching his next client, having taken what I said on board.
Remember, whatever others have to say about your behavior is merely information.
Judging yourself or the other has no place in this!
What's important is to take what is being said on board (as uncomfortable as that might sound, it only takes practice) and evaluate if this information will help you be who you want to be and get where you want to get, or if it won't.
If it will, act accordingly, adapt, modify, rectify, change!
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