The harsh truth

When is enough, enough?

When do you realize that this job, activity, relationship or that way of life isn't going anywhere?

VIA funny-potato 

More than merely realizing, what does it take for you to choose to take ACTION and leave behind that which isn't working? That which doesn't bring you true joy, that which doesn't help you evolve emotionally, spiritually or professionally? And if you do decide to face the bitter sweet fact that it isn't working, what do you do to leave it behind you?

To say to yourself and announce to the tree tops, the world, the universe that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

What does it take for you to realize that you are WORHTY of all you dream of - and more!

Because you are better than that!

Have you ever caught yourself blaming that person who you trusted and let you down? 

Pointing all the injustice that he/she has committed, all the ways they've hurt you, all that they could have done and decided not to or the other way around? 

I'm sure you have, it happens to everyone at one point or another. That friend who betrayed your life long friendship, that boss that blamed you for his own incompetencies or that person who broke your trust and let you down when you really needed her. 

When anger and blame creep up, it can consume our mind and our heart and can stay there forever. 

The Dalai Lama says a good way to be freed from this poisonous feeling is to make a distinction between the action and the actor.

You can be angry at the action and still have compassion for the actor. Understand that the person is coming from the only place he/she know.  

Regardless, know that placing blame and pointing fingers only keeps you stuck in a cycle of negativity that leads you nowhere. Life is about being hit and standing up again, stronger, tougher and wiser. 

Take time to watch the short video below and be inspired!

Believe you CAN!

Believe you can, believe you can, believe you can!

I know you might be thinking this sounds like positive psycho-blabber and I will share with you my view on why it is actually more important than you think.

I want you to think about a time when you were being interviewed for a job you really wanted.
What would your behavior be if you thought:
"There is no chance I will get the job, others are so much better and I barely have any experience"
Now think, would you act in a different way, if your thoughts were:
"Yeah, I'm going to nail this interview because I'm amazing!"

We set ourselves up and live our life according to the quality of our thoughts.
When we are little, our thoughts are mostly an extension of the world around us. How our parents react towards us, what our teachers and friends say to and about us become our guide. Without realizing it, neuro pathways or connections are formed and the more we believe our thoughts (consciously or unconsciously), the stronger the connection becomes.

VIA bookbing.org

Our thoughts have the power to change our physical reactions, thus leading us to live our lives in this or that way, take this or that action. Try it right now! Think about yourself picking up a big, juicy, yellow lemon. With your mind's eye, smell it, notice its color, feel its bumpy texture. Now cut it open with a knife, see the liquid running and stick your teeth deep inside the yellow lemon, tasting its acidity. What happens in your mouth? And you didn't even actually taste the darn thing!!

To quote Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you are right"
Whatever it is your heart desires, a new job, the promotion, driving your company to success or healing some aspect of your life, you have to BELIEVE YOU CAN!
Even if at first it seems fake. When you start hearing those fearful voices inside your head, just repeat to yourself: "I can do it! I can do it! I CAN do it!"
You are training your brain and making the neurological pathways - with the information that you can! - stronger.  
As they say, where there's a will, there's a way!
You just have to believe you can find that way and remember to pat yourself on the back when you discover that you really could do it!

Don't wish it was easier, wish you were tougher!

The title is a quote by Jim Rohn, an author and motivational speaker known for being the mentor of Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy and T. Harv Eckar, all very accomplished authors in the self development industry.

The quote struck me as I am going through a stressful period. Those who have accompanied my writing  might have noticed that I haven't written in a good long time. Writer's block is what some call it. Others call it drying up. I certainly felt blocked and dried out of ideas!
I felt panic. Is it going to last forever? Am I never going to be able to write again? Will I ever finish the book I am writing? Then I would enter a high voltage zone of self torture and think of all the things I SHOULD be doing to circumvent this horrific dry-block!

Nothing worked. Days went by and the dryness culminated to a drought. This drought in writing reflected the way I felt inside.

VIA Freaque Waves

Today I had an a-ha moment (this a-ha moment is such a cliche, yet it does explain it pretty simply) and realized that I was stuck in a dry block out of shear fear. I am going through a challenging period in my life, having to make life changing decisions while living in a debt and crisis ridden country, where nothing other than how poor everyone is becoming is talked about, anywhere!

It is a stressful period, I resignedly admit. I tried my best to hide (from myself and others) the fact that I was feeling stressed, overwhelmed and most of all scared.

Today after reading Rohn's quote, I understood that I was secretly wishing it would be easier. I was secretly waiting for the universe to send me a buoy that would guarantee everything would turn out the way I wish it would. And I was feeling scared.

No wonder I had a block, I was frozen with fear.
Fear usually does this - either makes you move forth in a rage or freeze up like a fruit popsicle.

Frozen and scared thoughts - frozen and scared feelings - frozen and scared action (or rather, inaction)!

Today I was liberated when I realized it's only my focus that's at fault. Focusing on external circumstances, wishing and praying they would be more favorable. Focusing on measuring how big my problems are and how deep the dryness. Wishing it was all much easier.

Today I decided I will focus on me!
Am I focusing on thinking positive, happy and self loving thoughts? Even after the scary ones come along?
Am I focusing on taking planned action, keep on walking, regardless of fear? After all, isn't this world made of daily opportunities?
Am I focusing on my heart's goal, despite the hardships that make it look so far away at the present moment?

Today, I remembered that I have reached my fullest potential when I had positive thoughts that led me to have positive feelings that led me to take positive action!

If I can dispense one message while emerging from a cold (and dry) and obstructed place, it would be:  Constantly focus on you - your thoughts, feelings and actions!
From wishful thinking to toughness in the most powerful way!

Keep the faith!

I came across a very interesting picture the other day and wanted to share it with my esteemed readers. (credits to facebook!)

It is not my intention to turn this into a scientific or philosophical conversation, yet I do wish to express some of my own thoughts on faith. 

I often talk to people who tell me they have no faith in God (or whatever you want to call it) because He has never been proven. No one really knows  the truth about it and some have even "proved" that there could be no such thing. 

In my opinion, having faith (in something bigger and outside of ourselves) is not about proving if there is or not something out there. 

Having faith is about constantly and blindingly feeding myself with the thought that the creative force that made the infinite space around us, the burning sun, the scented flowers and my toenails, is always available to me. 

It is about indiscriminately believing that this creative energy is within me and you as it is without. 

My faith does not lead me to believe in this or that God, it leads me to believe that everyday of my life I can choose to be this or that person. 

My faith allows me to align my brain in accordance to all the beauty that surrounds me. 

Yes, there are ugly sights to be seen and hardships to be faced, yet my faith helps me believe that even without seeing them at this moment, brighter days will surely arrive. 

My faith allows me to keep positive and positivity is the only road to keeping open for whatever I want to come my way. 

Having faith in God, in the Universe, in the Stars, in my eternal Spirit, allows me to remember that I am at the same time insignificant and colossal. Just like our vast earth is one more spec in the sky, I too can be anything and still everything can come my way! 

Therefore, keep it real and keep the faith, brother!

Own your life, you are not a victim!

Do you often find yourself caught in drama, amidst stories, gossip, judgments, conflicting situations? Are you known to your friends as the “Queen or King of Drama”. I was the queen of drama for a long time! LONG, LONG time! Every job I had, I was caught in some sort of trivial dispute.  Something had to be the matter, everywhere I went.  Some friends called me “El Niño”, I now see why!

Once, I wanted to act as a volunteer in a big NGO and even as a volunteer there was drama. The vice president decided she didn’t want me to volunteer anymore. Not content with that, she called all top team players (including the NGO’s president!) and I was caught in the middle of a finger pointing session, which boiled down to – what she described as – me being too thirsty to reaching for the water pot! Oh how I was caught in the “poor me” frame of mind then! “Poor me, all I wanted to do was volunteer my time and energy to help others and look what happens! This always happens to me”! 

Showing up in the world from a victim’s position is extremely common and at the same time so hard to detect. Therefore, we can remain victims for years and some remain victims their whole lives.

A victim always believes things “happen to him”. A victim blames others for everything that happens. It’s the “It’s not my fault that…” way of thinking.

Here’s the thing, thinking about fault is absolutely useless. Nothing is anybody’s fault, things happen to us because we have to learn. We are here in this world to constantly grow, evolve and change and this is the only certain thing in life. Rather we choose to think about it or not, accept it or not, we are always growing and changing (are you the same as you were 15 years ago?). Those who understand and make the best of this are never caught in a victim position, they are owners of their lives and their circumstances.

A victim will always try to find someone or something to blame for what happens to him. In contrast, an owner will look at the situation and try to find:

1) What was his responsibility in the situation – not to blame himself but to understand what he is doing to be caught in it.

2) What lesson can he learn form what happened? What is the most important thing he can get from this story?

3) What can he DO NEXT – what can he change in himself, in his environment, in his choices -  which will free him from being caught in similar situations.

In my above example with the "NGO witch who was after me" (!!), it took me years to look back on it and be able to understand how I was responsible. I learned that the way I plunge into projects with all my energy and soul, might seem threatening to others. Therefore, I now try to keep my cool, especially with those who haven't worked with me before. This makes relationships less threatening and in turn, much more efficient.

When we start seeing ourselves as agents/owners of our own circumstances we understand that we have choices and that everything that happens to us is an opportunity for growth and learning. One who is always aware of how he can use circumstances in his favor will never be caught in a victim frame of mind, simply because he is too busy powerfully restructuring himself and his circumstances in order to get different results next time.

Instead of blaming others, the economy, the universe, your karma - choose to live your life powerfully! Extract the lessons from everything that comes your way and adapt according to that knowledge! 

Use your body to create powerful connections

How do you know the people you are connecting to are the best fit for you? Who are you surrounding yourself with?
There is a saying that goes: "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are".
That is equally true for your personal friendships as for your professional partnerships.

One thing that most entrepreneurs have difficulty with is building a powerful team that share in their values and their company's mission and vision.
One of the reasons for this is because as the creators, entrepreneurs often get caught up in wanting to maintain control of all aspects of the company.  This leads them to forget that, like all other human beings, they are good at some things and not so good at others.  No one can be great at everything. (Unless of course you have a Greek mom, who is truly convinced you are God's gift to the world and will happily share how perfect you are with anyone she exchanges a few words with!!)

Another difficulty in creating strong partnerships is that all too often people tend to forget to pay attention to how they really feel about the people around them.
Like personal friendships, our professional team has to be made up of people we can openly talk to, feel comfortable discussing ideas with and who share similar values as us.
It's all too great partnering up with that Ivy League graduate who speaks eloquently, yet do you feel there is a free flow of ideas? Do you feel that your objectives are similar and you can discuss your projects comfortably? Are his values compatible to yours?

We have a natural and extremely potent tool for detecting if the person in front of us is a good fit.  This tool is called: OUR BODY! One way to find out if the people surrounding you are a good match, is to check with your body.

What sensations do you feel when you are in a meeting with your team or your partners? A great exercise is to notice how you feel when you are speaking to each person. Really pay attention to your bodily reactions.
There are certain people we speak to and end the conversation always feeling tired or sleepy (that feeling of being drained). With others, we might feel our heart racing faster, some excitement in our chest. Still, with someone else, we might experience that "gut feeling" that tells us to say this or that.
Listen to it! Respect it!

Our bodies have energy centers (the so called chakras), wheel-like vortices that receive and transmit energy and information from and to the universe around them.  In a more subtle level, our bodies are always tuned and closely connected to the world around us. We have to teach ourselves and practice, practice, practice paying attention to our bodily sensations because our body's energy field can pick up valuable information we are not able to pick up with words.

Next time you are speaking to a potential partner, to someone who wants to enter your team or who already is a part of your team, take time to consciously pay attention to your bodily sensations. Are the feelings in your body positive or negative? What would they tell you if they could speak? What shape would they take if you could see them? Can you attribute a color to this specific sensation?

Pay attention to your body! It knows and is constantly communicating to you who is the right person to connect to in any given situation. 

On sticking to your decisions

Have you ever made a decision not to do something and find yourself doing it anyway? The compelling force of that which gives us pleasure (even if followed by pain) is such that one can never be prepared enough to withstand his weak spots.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Bible, Matthew 26:41

I recently went back on a decision I had made and found myself getting angry at myself, being judgmental and having generalized thoughts such as "I can never stick to my decisions! I will never be able to say no to this!"


Maybe you decided not to eat chocolate in the next month or not to go into facebook when you need to get work done. Maybe it's a decision not to drink more than a preset number of wine glasses per night or not to kiss that person who has absolutely nothing to offer you emotionally.

No matter what decision we make, it takes more than wishful thinking or a positive attitude to stick to it!
It is well known that people are motivated either to get away from pain or to move towards pleasure. Going back on a decision can represent either of the two above. Either you are seeking to avoid pain: "I'm going to DIE if I don't eat that chocolate mousse" or to find pleasure: "That man's kisses give me goose bumps". Sometimes, it can represent both: "I get nervous in social situations. If I drink a whole pool of wine, the night will go by like a breeze".

Here's the first and most important step to dealing with not sticking to your decisions:
FORGIVE YOURSELF!

This sounds like something easy and straightforward and I guarantee that most of you have had a difficult time forgiving yourself after going back on a decision.
Forgiving ourselves is important because it is the purest form of compassion towards ourselves. Compassion for nothing less than being human! Hey, our brains are wired to seek pleasure!

I had this conversation with a client today who told me he felt that if he forgave himself, he would be complying with falling into temptation.
Yes and no!
Yes, if we make a habit out of finding excuses for why we fall into temptation, then forgiving ourselves might be just a way of excusing our behavior.
No, because if there is no true forgiveness, there is no true healing.

The second step to dealing with temptation is to identify what is going on in your body. How does your body feel when faced with the temptation? Do you feel butterflies in your stomach, does your chest weigh a little heavier, does your heart beat faster in anticipation? How does your body react? What would that reaction tell you if it could talk to you?

The third step to dealing with temptations is to always remember it takes nothing less than a warrior to stand tall in the face of seduction. To be a warrior requires you to think in terms of what you will accomplish versus concentrating on what you are trying to "resist".  How will sticking to your decision make your life more fulfilling? How will it help you grow? How will it help you be free and liberated? Can you feel how powerful you are when you stick to your decisions?

Forgive yourself and keep on moving. Keep on moving with the power of the warrior who is certain he will accomplish great things if he only has the courage to pay attention to himself and believe with all his might that tomorrow will be a better day.

On the importance of closing cycles

Are you aware of the cycles you open in life?
Are you aware of the words you speak?
Do your words start partnerships, projects or promises that remain in that state - no change in status, not moving forwards, or backwards let alone to any side?
Do you finish what you start?

Beware!
You might not realize it but living amongst open cycles is actually keeping you in a powerless position. Why?
Because you, my friend, are losing precious energy!
When you start something (be it with your word or actions) you are bound to that in an energetic level. You have invested your valuable energy - in the form of thoughts, words and/or actions (all of which require physical energy to come about) and what has become of it? What has been the return on your investment?

If it's working, find out what's working, invest more energy, value it, elaborate, perfect it.
If it's not working, make a bold decision as to what is to be done with it - and take the next step!

Don't pretend it's not happening or make believe that not taking a stance is the most natural thing to do. Leaving things hanging entails confusion and lack of clarity. That is the energy that you are sending out into the universe. Confused and unclear thought-energy.  Guess what you're going to get back from the universe?

The beauty in closing cycles is that you collect back your energy and are free to focus and pour it anywhere else you desire. Powerfully and clearly!

Clear and focused thoughts, clear and focused action.

Open Cycle!
If it's working:
Great!
Move ahead!
If it isn't working:
Great!
Close Cycle!
Move ahead!

A quote to remember

I gave a workshop this week and the title was "How to keep your power through difficult times". It was a great experience because apart from the fact that a couple of people who had never opened up to some hidden aspects of themselves, did so and did so publicly (sharing yourself in front of others is VERY powerful), something very curious happened.

One participant waited for everyone to leave so he could tell us (myself and my colleague who was presenting the workshop with me) that he felt extremely annoyed about what one person said and it was our responsibility to have stopped that person from speaking.

I asked him: "What stopped you from speaking up and sharing your thoughts about it in the group instead of waiting for everyone to leave?"

I will not get into the details about where that conversation led, yet the importance of what I am sharing is that OUR THOUGHTS have the power to stop us dead in our tracks or to help us fly higher than we ever imagined possible.

Have you ever stopped to think about the quality of your thoughts?
How is your precious energy (in the form of thought) being spent most of the days?
Do you have any control over them? Do they know who is BOSS? By the way, who is boss, you or your thoughts?

If you are willing to slow down from the hustle and bustle of life and sit quietly for a short while, you will realize the vast amount of thoughts that cross your mind at any given moment. They keep coming, all the time, all random thoughts. The bad news is they are mostly negative (it is our human nature to have negative, fearful, worrisome, doubtful thoughts) the good news is that one can practice and through practice, perfectly go beyond his thoughts. Like any other thing to be mastered, it takes practice to control and focus your mind, yet it is no doubt the biggest gift you will ever give yourself! Much better than attaining a gym membership for one year,  much cheaper than joining a yoga studio and oh so much more powerful than listening to anyone's motivational speech.

I can't stress enough the importance of the book by James Allen, "As a Man Thinketh" published in 1902. This is a gem of a book and every page is important.

James Allen talks about the power our thoughts exert upon us and focuses the reader's attention on the quality of her own thoughts. Allen goes on to talk about how important it is to have a purpose in life. A purpose that will have you longing to get somewhere, do something, be someone and through that keep your thoughts focused and far away from fears, worries, doubts and judgements.

Today, a few lines from the book stood out for me and I will share them with you.

"As the physically weak man can make himself strong by careful and patient training, so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.
To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully."

Practice noticing your thoughts. Practice focusing your thoughts. Practice makes perfect! If you encounter failure along the way, think nothing of it. Thank your lucky stars for the learning opportunity and carry on practicing!

Inspiration, inspiration wherefore art thou?

I hear people talk about not having inspiration. Not being inspired to do their best in their job, not being inspired to start or continue writing (I've been through "a few" of those days myself), not being inspired to paint the next canvas, not being inspired enough to help change the world.
We've all been through it in one way or another. Feeling a lack of inspiration, as if inspiration were something that comes from the outside and will fall upon our heads if we procrastinate long enough and do our best to pretend we aren't worried about it.


The secret to becoming inspired in order to create (anything) is to always be creating. Creating at all times, even if it doesn't look like inspired creation. Creating in the form of taking action. Taking action even when you hear the inner voices saying nothing great will come out of it or reminding you of all those negative self beliefs you have collected and come to believe throughout your life.
Taking action frees us from being stuck in our negative thoughts and allows the body to express itself as it so desires.

If it is writing, sit down to write at a certain time everyday, or choose 5, 4, 2x a week and do it when the day and time come. Even if you have nothing to write, write about it. Write about not having anything to write, write about the table you are using to write. Write about the floor or any patterns you see outside your window.

If it is selling, call your next potential client. If it is painting, put up the canvas and start scribbling, if it's creating a movement, share your influential idea with one next person.

As Steve Chandler, personal success coach and author, puts it, creativity is about the body, not the mind. It has to do with the actions you take. After taking action, the mind follows with new ideas, in the form of inspiration that you will then act on.

To illustrate my point, I share a contemporary urban story.


I have the pleasure of knowing a very talented young musician, Katerina Polemi, who like myself, is an anglo saxon educated, Greek-Brazilian girl that now lives in this crises ridden yet breathtakingly gorgeous country - Greece.

In one of her shows I attended, Katerina shared with her audience how one day she was having some difficulty feeling inspired to write a song. What makes this such an impactful example is that Katerina took steps to create without being inspired. She took action and started playing around, writing a few verses, talking to inspiration itself. She didn't wait for inspiration to shine down upon her like a ray of light. She took action, got herself inspired and created an incredible song.

Watch below, what amazing melody came out of this mental doodle.

A Powerful Prayer for Easter!

Happy Easter! It is Orthodox Easter (I am half Greek, the majority of Greeks are Orthodox). In Greece, Easter is a very special time. 

I love easter time in Greece! It is no wonder why the Gods chose this country!

With the unmistakable smells of white and colorful flowers blooming, the sun beginning to bless us with his shine for more hours everyday, and the sea that from a very deep blue starts turning brighter and brighter until the turquoise of the Mediterranean makes your heart skip a beat when contemplated upon. 

A time of true rebirth, just like the one we read about in the Bible. 

I want to share a prayer that in my view has a lot to do with Rebirth! 

"Oh Divine Providence, I ask not for more riches, but for more wisdom with which to use the riches you gave me at birth in the form of power to direct and control my mind to whatever ends I desire." - Napoleon Hill 

Let's pray that the discipline and self love required to acquire the power to direct and control our minds be reborn in us every single day.

And may in celebrating Easter, Jesus's teachings be reborn, even if coming as messages from other enlightened beings. Watch the video below, you will find exceptional use in Napoleon Hill's  words. 

Follow your passion

Do love what you do? 
Do you get up in the morning with a smile on your face because you know you are lucky to have found and to work with your passion?
Regardless of all external circumstances do you feel, deep inside, that through your work you are sharing your most amazing gift?
Does your body feel free and curious to go to work every day?


A great read on how to THRIVE, not just live! 


How to Find Your Purpose and Do What You Love


Highlights: 

Steve Jobs: "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”


Hugh MacLeod: " The best way to get approval is not to need it. This is equally true in art and business. And love. And sex. And just about everything else worth having.”


Alain de Botton: "One of the interesting things about success is that we think we know what it means. A lot of the time our ideas about what it would mean to live successfully are not our own. They’re sucked in from other people. And we also suck in messages from everything from the television to advertising to marketing, etcetera. These are hugely powerful forces that define what we want and how we view ourselves. What I want to argue for is not that we should give up on our ideas of success, but that we should make sure that they are our own. We should focus in on our ideas and make sure that we own them, that we’re truly the authors of our own ambitions. Because it’s bad enough not getting what you want, but it’s even worse to have an idea of what it is you want and find out at the end of the journey that it isn’t, in fact, what you wanted all along.”


Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has a term for the quality that sets labor apart from work: flow — a kind of intense focus and crisp sense of clarity where you forget yourself, lose track of time, and feel like you’re part of something larger.

http://shop.holstee.com/pages/about#the-holstee-manifesto

Are you a man or an ostrich?

So here's the situation: you have a client who is not satisfied with your product/service. He sends you an email complaining or sharing his discontentment. What do you do? Do you answer him straight away or do you leave answering him on your to do list, secretly hoping that the problem will go away?

Another situation: You have promised a friend you will meet for drinks or dinner to catch up. At the end of a busy day you are really tired and all you want to do is go home, take a shower and crawl under the covers. What do you do? Do you call and let him know how you're truly feeling? Do you decide not to call him and hope he won't call you either? Do you avoid him and let the phone ring when he calls thinking "I'll call him tomorrow and give him a good excuse"?

Third situation: You are casually seeing a man or woman and decide that you don't want to take it any further. Fair enough. How do you deal with it? Do you think of a way of telling the person? Do you decide that you will never answer his phone calls or her emails again and that will hopefully get your message across? Or do you pick a fake fight so that the person can hate you forever?

There are times we don't want to deal with the situations that come our way. It's only human to want to let things pass or let the days go by, wishing the other person will forget or will think about it more lightly. What we tend to forget in these situations is to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. How would I feel if I asked my friend to meet up and she didn't answer the phone? How would I feel if I wrote to a company's service center and got no answer in return? How would I feel if I were casually seeing someone and they just drifted out of my life, leaving things unsaid?

It takes courage to face up to situations we don't want to deal with. What's important to understand is that this courage, the one needed to face circumstances we would rather forget, is the same courage that's needed for creating anything in our lives. Because when one lives with courage, he lives with courage in all situations, not only one or another.

Living with courage means being responsible for your words, your actions, your commitments. Knowing that what you say and do can affect someone and what you DON'T say or do can too.  Living with courage is about being transparent. Being transparent allows you to be in touch with your personal power. You are most powerful when you don't have to "hope" that someone won't see you, or "wish" that another person won't call you or "pray" that someone else will just forget about what happened between you.

You are what you are and you let the other person know. If he likes it, that's great! If she doesn't, that's great too! At least you will both know that you can't take this relationship (be it personal or professional) any further. When you have all situations settled, even when they are hurtful, even when you would much rather not deal with them, you can walk with your head up high.

How powerful is an ostrich? How much power does he exude by burying his head in the sand? How powerfully are you showing up? Do you want to be remembered as a great (wo)man or a great big ostrich?

How to keep on keeping on

I was having a conversation with a wise friend last night who gave me a simple yet very valuable advise. She said: "You can always press the reset button"!

That made me think of all the entrepreneurs who have given their all at times and have only gotten no's or have gotten very little interest for all the work, energy and love they've put into creating their project. I've been there, I know how it feels!
It's very frustrating when you give, give, give and receive nothing (ok, maybe next to nothing) in return. I have had several clients tell me their biggest derailment is that they have given so much and have gotten way too little back. Together, we work on how to identify, understand and surpass feelings of disappointment and fear. The disappointment is often so enormous it stops great ideas in their tracks.

Here's the thing, as a society we are programmed to talk about and follow only success stories. They sell! They are the ones that keep us daydreaming, away from the here and now, wishing we were like X or had the brains of Y.
Startups that have bloomed "overnight" seem fascinating to us probably because of the magical quality we assign to them.  If you look close enough though, you will always find a tired and still motivated entrepreneur.
Entrepreneurs who believe in themselves and their product or idea always press the reset button, even after their hopes have been shattered time and time again.

Pinterest, the new talk of the town social network, had "catastrophically low numbers" for some time, as CEO Ben Silbermann puts it. In January of this year, it was said to have 16.1 million users in the USA alone.

Brent Hoberman, cofunder of Lastminute.com didn't have the company's domain name even after having raised money for his venture. The original owner of Lastminute.com refused to sell the name. He received a "NO" four times before being able to convince the seller it was a good idea to pass the name over. Do you keep on trying even after you have received a "No"? Two "No's"? Three "No's"?

Pressing the reset button requires courage. Courage to try one more time. To try even if your idea has been scrutinized, ridiculed or simply (sometimes the hardest of all) ignored.  To try even if you are tired and all you would rather do is go to a sandy beach, lie under the sun like a tough skinned lizard sipping coconut water.

On the other hand, pressing the reset button is immensely liberating! You know that however bad things might seem to be, however discouraged you may feel, you have a chance for a new beginning. A new possibility. If that fails too, you can press the reset button again, and again and again and again! Your amount of courage and energy to press the reset button is regulated by you alone, and that, is an entrepreneur's most valuable weapon.

How a baby step can affect your dream

I had a dream, a secret dream, for many years. I don't discuss it much, probably out of fear. I have a Greek background, where the "Evil Eye" is a very real thing and sharing our desires and accomplishments is sometimes forbidden. Someone might project their evil eye on you, and then believe me, you are in big trouble!   

Back to the dream, which I have shared with only a handful of people and have right this moment decided to announce to the world! Since I was a little girl, curiosity has been my greatest companion. I am curious about every single thing that comes my way. I want to know everything about everything. If you ask me the reason, I won't be able to explain it to you. I have now learned to say: "it's my nature to be curious" which has helped me accept this characteristic. Curiosity is accompanied by another gift - that of pursuing information. At times, I have gone through great lengths to track information that wouldn't affect my life in the least bit. At other times, the information I gathered was life changing. I guess that's how my dream comes in. Enough stalling, my secret dream, ever since I was a young girl, was to work in a secret intelligence agency! All the famous ones have crossed my mind! All different situations as well!

So one of these days I caught myself thinking: you are a coach, you help people follow their dreams and make things happen for themselves in a courageous way, why is it that you have never tried to make this dream come true?

And this is what I want to talk about today. 

The difference between a dream and a project!

I know of so many people who have dreams just like mine. Impossible dreams some might call them. I have come to the understanding that there is no such thing as an impossible dream and I will share with you my thoughts on this. 

If you have a dream and you really want it to come true, you have to turn it into a project. 

The difference between a dream and a project is that the dream is always in our mind. On the other hand, the project requires steps to be made.

The first step that I took in order to evaluate if I really wanted my dream to become a project, was to ask myself: "what will have to change in my life in order for this dream to become a project?" The moment I took some time to ponder on this question, I knew that working in an intelligence agency would remain a dream forever. So many things had to change in my life if I were to pursue such a dream, that the dream suddenly became more appealing than the project. 

So I invite you to ask yourself: what will inevitably have to change in your life if you are to transform your dream into a project? If you decide that you are happy about the changes that need to occur, then I ask you the following question: what is the next step you can take to turn your dream into a project. 

No dream will become a reality if you don't take the next step forward. It doesn't have to be a big step. Baby steps are just as welcome, because they are steps no less. The secret is to get into action. Inaction will at its best, allow your dream to remain a dream forever.

To get out of the dream and into the project, you have to take a step forward. What will your first step be? What about your second step? Can you think about that one? It's imperative that you start writing down your steps. Writing things down is a way to ground your thoughts and also gives you a good milestone, a great way to check where you were and where you are at every given moment. Also, by getting it down on paper you can create a strategy, list important aspects such as the internal and external resources available and needed that will help you make things happen. 

All this starts with a next step. Never underestimate the power of a baby step! It will make the difference between living in dreamland forever or realizing the project that will have you proud for the rest of your life! 

Celebrating Women

"Healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, a heightened capacity for devotion. Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mates and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.

Yet both have been hounded, harassed, and falsely imputed to be devouring and devious, overly aggressive, of less value than those who are their detractors. They have been the targets of those who would clean up the wilds as well as the wildish environs of the psyche, extincting the instinctual and leaving no trace of it behind. The predation of wolves and women by those who misunderstand them is strikingly similar."
Excerpt from "Women Who Run With Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Happy International Women's Day to all strong, playful, intuitive, intense and brave women out there!
You are powerful beyond your belief!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8zMBoQ6WdQ

What's your story?

What's stopping you from being who you want to be?
What's stopping you from doing what you want to do?

What story do you feed in your mind about yourself that stops you from taking the next step to get to where you REALLY want to get?

I will tell you my favorite story if you promise to spend some time on this question.

For me, it was: "I am not enough"!
Having had the fortune (and I say this with all my heart as I truly feel blessed for my upbringing) of being born the younger child, comparisons are the norm rather than the exception, in most cases. The older child is kind of freed from that burden, given that anything he/she does is "oohhhh soooooo cccuuuuutteee!!!"

It is usually from the second child on that roles are assigned and comparisons are made.

"My first is so sociable, while my second is so alienated!"

" Bobby is the smart one, Danny is the funny one and Lola is the angel"

"I had no problem when the older one first went to school, yet the younger one gave me such trouble! He's going to be a rebel, I can see it!"

We are given roles, titles and guess what? Little Danny, sweet Lola and all of us do EVERYTHING to fulfill the role our parents assign to us! How can we not? We love them so much! Plus, what do we know? Our parents are so tall and all knowing!!

There is a natural mechanism inside our unconscious mind that thinks: "If I do become sociable as you always say I am, will you love me more? If I act like the smart one, will you love me more?"

I was the ugly one!
When I was a small baby, my father thought I was so ugly! My first years didn't make much of an impact on him either. I was still the ugly one.
On the other hand, my older sister was beautiful! She was a beauty queen ever since she was born, bless her, she still is to this day, may I add! A real head turner!

So the first "I am not enough" was born, right around the time I was too: I was not pretty enough!

Years went by and "not-pretty-enough" little me joined older sister in going to school. We are 5 years apart, which gave her a good head start at learning how to be the "proper, beautiful girl" in school. She was, from grade 1 until the very last day of high school, on the top 1% of the dean's list! Academically, she was a star! There was rarely a B in her report card, God forbid a C or D (OK, maybe in P.E. - being so tall and having such long legs (!!!) meant she was a little clumsy).

How could little me compete with that? Automatically, I became the "not smart enough" child! Oh how I lived up to that one!! This role was enforced by my teachers. I still recall one who asked me a question and I, of course, was too busy involved with my neighbor's jokes to know the answer. To which I received a: "Your sister would have known the answer"! She didn't have to actually do it, yet "You are not smart enough" was written all over the blackboard-for everyone to see!

I was simply not enough! Or so little me thought!

It took me years of therapy and coaching to realize that this is the story I created in my mind to keep me in my "comfort zone". Painful as it might feel sometimes, being in the role our almost prophet-like parents designate for us is always desirable. We foster a secret hope for their approval, and sometimes die trying to get it!

What is your story? What role have you fulfilled in life?

Are you lazy?

Are you not prepared enough?

Are you a magnet for disaster?

Are you a bad boy/girl?

Awareness is the first step to change. Spend some time on this question and know that
THIS IS JUST A MADE UP STORY!
A nice little script you've created in your mind so as to not disrupt the balance of the family, society, circle of friends.

Be grateful for the role you have had up until now, it has no doubt taught you many lessons, and go on to disrupt the balance! Create your own role for yourself! Challenge what you know! Challenge what they tell you about you!

A good way to do this?

Amazing teacher and coach, Byron Katie, has just the answer!
Ask yourself:

"Is this 100% true? Is it absolutely true in all instances?"

Open your heart to the answer, sit back and enjoy where your new story will take you!

On creating Judgements

I was having a conversation with a potential partner yesterday (isn't creating a potential business partners so much fun?) and I had some objections to his ideas.

I must admit (and this is painful!) I wasn't aware that I was objecting to what he had to say, until he pointed it out to me, in a very subtle manner, bless his soul! Not that objections are bad, on the contrary! What's important is to be aware if the way we are objecting is taking the relationship forward or if it's building a gap between the communicators. (More on objections in a later post)

There are several ways of reacting to a situation where someone points out a behavior you have that is bothering them or is not leading the relationship forward in the most powerful manner (simply put-receiving feedback).

There is the way in which you say "Darn, look at what I've done again, I'm such a dunce! This potential partner will think I'm clueless and won't want to work with me".  Thus, shrinking your wings.

Another way is to think: "What an ass, can't this guy see that what I am saying is right and what he's saying is wrong?" Thus, supposing your wings are bigger than the other's.

Both of the above come from judgement. Judging yourself or judging another is only human. We all do it, some of us do it more than others.
In his book, "Communion With God", Neale Donald Walsch talks about the 10 Illusions of Humans. He talks about judgement and poses some very illuminating questions:

"...why should a simple observation about you make you so uncomfortable? Is simply observing that someone is so really a judgement? Couldn't it be merely an observation?"

Judgement will never help you get where you want to be. In its best, it might keep you busy, with something to think about or nag about.

The most constructive way of reacting to what another has to say about you is to say to yourself:
"What can I learn from this?"
Receive the information, be genuinely grateful for it, because it might, potentially, be saving you lots of trouble, and stay with the information without judgement.  Evaluate if the information is interesting or not.
If it is, act accordingly, modify, rectify, change!

Now, I'm not saying that you need to process this straight away. I was once coaching a very experienced entrepreneur who had difficulty taking in my feedback, he felt he had to counter attack everything I was saying. After a few weeks, I found out from a colleague of his, that he changed his way of approaching his next client, having taken what I said on board.

Remember, whatever others have to say about your behavior is merely information.
Judging yourself or the other has no place in this!
What's important is to take what is being said on board (as uncomfortable as that might sound, it only takes practice) and evaluate if this information will help you be who you want to be and get where you want to get, or if it won't.
If it will, act accordingly, adapt, modify, rectify, change!

The way of the Samurai

Today was a busy day! 
Busy, busy, busy! 


I had so many things to do, places to go, people to talk to. Albeit the fatigue at the end of the day, I felt great about myself. Ahhh, the feeling of getting things done! Moving and shaking! 


Keeping busy and running around makes me feel important because it is a way to prove to myself that I have people to attend to, situations to take care of. 


Allowing myself to lay down on my oversized sofa, a realization I couldn't shake off my shoulders just sat there, making the busy day's satisfaction turn to dust. What whipped me like the blade of a sword was the understanding that that which kept me busy the whole day is not necessarily what is going to get me where I really want to be. 


Remaining busy allows us to feel loved and valuable. Answering emails, telephone calls, helping friends and business partners out, all the admirable activities an honorable person has got to do to get through a productive day.  


Unsuccessfully, I tried to muffle the questions that were getting louder in my head: how focused was I today on what I really want? How focused was I on my latest goal? Did I dedicate myself in a continual, uninterrupted manner towards my goal, my target? 


So you might say that your goal is a long term goal, it won't happen even if you do dedicate yourself to it for three hours straight.  To that I say, break your goal down! Choose a smaller, short term goal that will allow you to remain focused and will lead you unequivocally to the long term one.  Breaking down your goals is a good way to make them sharper, so you can powerfully focus on what's at hand at the moment, always working towards arriving at the bigger picture. 


The Time Matrix below is a great tool to help you keep on track with your priorities. 

 1.                                                                     2.

Important and Urgent ie. Some phone calls Emergencies Crises	Important and Not Urgent ie. Planning Preparation Solidifying relationships
3. Not Important and Urgent ie. Emails Distractions Some meetings Some phone calls 1. What needs to be done straight away. No way of getting around it.  3. Items that need to be minimized or eliminated altogether, they suck up our time.	4. Not Important and Not Urgent ie. Trivia Chat Time wasters Unnecessary tasks 2. Steven Covey, author of the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" argues that this is what we should focus on if we really want to achieve our goals. 4. To do only when you have time to kill!

How do you think this modern day Samurai achieved his goal? 

I am exactly where I am supposed to be!

Sometimes being a woman bores me!

Today I had all these creepy thoughts furiously running around in my mind!
Why are you single for such a long time? Why haven't you settled in a relationship? Why didn't you hold on with all your might to the relationships you have settled in to?

There was so much background noise, so many thoughts of fear and judgement.  Judgement of myself, judgement of the universe and of destiny. Judgement of men!

Then a voice asked me "Do you really trust the universe? Do you really trust the power of faith and of letting go? If you do, if you REALLY do, trust the universe now!
Trust that it's got your highest good and interest at hand at ALL times, not just some of the times."

Then I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, as we all are.

No matter where you are at this moment; no matter what you are going through; pain of separation, pain of loss (financial loss, losing a loved one, losing your status) or longing to be loved - you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.

We are where we are because we are learning. We are constantly learning. We are everyday creating our life and our reality. We might not be aware of it, yet every thought, every move we make is a new, miraculous chance to create the world we want to live in.

The beautiful thing about our life is that we indeed ARE as strong as the Creator, we ARE the Creator!
All we need to do is become aware of our creative power. Become aware of the thoughts we create in our head every single moment of the day.
Become aware of the words we speak and the way we relate to ourselves and others.

The country I am currently living in, Greece, is in total economic and political chaos!
I choose not to listen to the news. I choose not to turn on the television as not to let my thoughts be influenced by others' needs and desperation.  Some call me crazy, others call me aloof. I call myself happy and free!

Why am I single? Because that is what I have created at this moment!
Being single allows me to stay awake all night reading my favorite book. Being single allows me to just be and not have to worry about manicure and pedicure. Being single allows me to feel one man's warmth on one night and listen to another man's stories on the following night.

Sometimes being a woman is so exciting!

Fall off your bike!

Working with my coach is like learning to ride a bike.

As little kids, when we are first learning to ride our bikes, there is so much uncertainty. Everything is scary, the sensation of being on two wheels is so different from anything we have ever experienced! It's no wonder you often see little kids screaming as they are first left to pedal by themselves. Scary and exciting!

Then they fall!

Little kids fall off their bikes all the time! Some of them cry, some might laugh, others might want to sit down and catch their breath for a while. The miracle of watching a little kid riding his bike is that he will always get up again. She will always dust herself off and get on that bike one more time, give it one more try!

When we fall as adults, we tend to have so much difficulty in remembering to simply and gracefully dust ourselves off and get up on that bike again. We are afraid of what others will say! We think about how it will affect our so sought after and cherished reputation.

Falling off my bike is not an option! You know who I am? Do you have any ideas how many degrees I have mounted on my wall?

Yes, yes, I see who you are and how much you have invested in building your persona, yet I ask you: are you courageous enough to fall?

Are you courageous enough to share your true feelings without fear of rejection?
Are you brave enough to speak up in a meeting even if you think your idea/question might be criticized or challenged? Can you fall off that bike?
Are you daring enough to step forward, even if you fear your project won't work out. Not trying something new, like a new job because others might think you aren't as important anymore. After all, you are still LEARNING! You don't have it all together? You might still FALL OFF YOUR BIKE?

Children are our best teachers! Their fearlessness and their capacity to view everything as possible is what we as adults need to model more of!
Remaining open to falling down, failing, getting up and trying again is what leads us to true freedom. Freedom to move along knowing that if you fall, you have the choice to get up again.
And try again!

I challenge my clients to try new ways of being. New behaviors, new habits, new rituals. These new ways lead to liberation, to coming out of that box that others have crafted so tightly (and lovingly) around us.

If you find yourself trying to come out of the box and falling while you're at it - fear not!
Children don't, why should you?

International Coaching Week!

It's International Coaching Week!

Founded in 1999, the International Coaching Week is a time for coaches to inform the general public of the amazing value and results of a coaching process and of working with a professional coach.

I'm excited to share with you the work of Michael Bungay Stanier, who has interviewed countless authors and leaders to find out what motivates them and also what are the difficulties they have overcome to achieve the great work they put forth in the world.

I am particularly delighted in sharing with you his "Practical Coaching Series: Essential Interviews With Coaches You Need to Know About" as my inspiring coach, Rich Litvin, is featured as one of 7 thought leaders worth knowing more about. Rich has coached me for the last 6 months and I have seen and experienced an exponential difference in the way I fearlessly and powerfully face the world, each small step at a time.  It is tremendously gratifying to incorporate the knowledge I gain from Rich in the work with my own clients.

So, happy International Coaching Week to all and may you all have the opportunity to be deeply listened to by a sensitive and stimulating coach regardless of which point you find yourself in life. What you will find, after a great coaching experience, is that you can always choose to move to another, even more fulfilling point. Best of all, it's loads of FUN!

Practical Coaching Series: Essential Interviews with Coaches You Need to Know About 

VIA Box of Crayons Blog

It’s International Coaching Week – hurrah!

Much as I love professional coaches – hey, I am one after all – my real passion is about making coaching just a regular part of the way we work.  In particular, how can you as a busy manager and leader use coaching more often to increase the focus, impact and meaning of the work you and those around you do.

Peter Block, a man I constantly hold up as a deep influence on my work, said it best:

Coaching is not a profession.
It’s a way of being with one another.

Indeed.

I’ve had the good luck of interviewing some fantastic coaching thought-leaders over the last number of years as part of the Great Work Interview series.

Here are 7 thought leaders you might be interested to hear. Listen for the useful insights and tactics they share – your coaching will be richer as a result.

Sir John Whitmore is one of the fathers of the coaching profession and author of the influential Coaching for Performance.

Cinnie Noble, the leading figure in the world of Conflict Management Coaching which just happens to be the name of her new book.

Mary Beth O’Neill, author of one of the best books I know about executive coaching, Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart.

Rich Litvin, who does fantastic work about probing the secret of confidence.’

Eddie Erlandson who with his business and life partner Kate Ludeman wrote Alpha Male Syndrome, a book in coaching those “A types” (men and women) in organizations.

David Rock, who’s at the head of the pack when it comes to connecting the findings of neuroscience with the art of leadership and management and who’s book Your Brain at Work is destined to be a classic.

Dan Coyle, author of the very fine book The Talent Code that talks about what “deep practice” really means.

And if you’re interested in hearing some internal practitioners…

Sally Bonneywell, Head of Coaching for the global pharma company GSK.

Carl Oxholm, leader of the coaching initiative at the professional service firm pwc.

Listen up, pick up some tips, then go flex some coaching muscle.